Thursday, October 9, 2014


      I had another dream while in my coma about a drive through miles and miles of corn fields. Felt like the drive would never end. I was picked up by a lady who I didn't know and she told me I had to go with her, I had no choice in the matter but I had to go with her and the only reason she gave me is when I get there I needed to make a decision. Drive took forever and we didn't talk, I just stared into the cornfield thinking. Not sure what I was thinking about, I didn't feel worried or scared or even bored, just patiently waited.
      When we got to our destination we pulled into this small farm house with a gravel driveway. We were in the middle of an enormous corn field but I don't think this home farmed anything. There was a woman waiting for me as I got out of the back of the car. She apparently knew me but I had no idea who she was. She said that she knew what I've done and it's your decision on what you do about it. I asked what she was talking about but she wouldn't listen and said I knew what I did and to man up about it and accept responsibility. I'm like ok.. What decision do I need to make..? She hands me a large hand gun. Says there is one bullet in the chamber and said the only solution was to put the bullet in my head. I, for whatever reason wasn't scared or even confused, but I just asked why. She didn't say anything else and got in the car with the other strange lady and they drove off.
      I stood there with this hand cannon and looked around and just started thinking. Looked over to the house and decided to go in. House was relatively empty, few pieces of furniture and I sat at the kitchen table and put the gun down. House was clean, newer and small. It felt like nobody lived in it and seemed like it had been awhile since anyone had. Nothing about it was familiar but I felt comfortable there, I just kept sitting at the table and thought. 'What did that strange lady mean? What decision would me killing myself cure?' Still I sat, wondering. Time went on and on, quiet, alone, thinking. I started missing something, someone or ones. What would happen if I was gone, gone forever. I wondered how long I was gone, felt like it's been weeks sitting alone at this table, thinking. Was I missed? Did I do something wrong? I didn't know what to do, but I didn't think I should leave this house. I picked up this gun. Everything went black. Dream felt over, but not really. I just stayed floating quietly in black space. Don't remember anything else. Long, long dream.


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