I remember near the end of my time recovering in Bethezda when I had my first shower.
Now I've been a guy since puberty that I would take two showers a day, and maybe more than that. We used to play hoops or softball for years and after being at the field or gym I would rush home and shower and change quick then meet up with my team afterwards! Now I am near motionless in this same friggin' hospital bed for weeks and not all happy with the everyday room service I am more than ready for a shower. So I don't recall the specifics but you have to schedule a shower. Ok, fine.. So I set one up for I think three days in advance, ugh three days, well what's three more days I guess at this point. Well I was so excited, so ready to freshen up, wash and scrub up and just finally feel a little normal again.
Ok, so the day comes and I'm ready for my shower. My favorite nurse comes in and she says that the shower is all set. Hmmm.. Never thought about this I guess. I can't walk, let alone stand and basically can't even sit up by myself very well, so how am "I" going to "take" a shower? Well I get undressed, which was I believe basically my man diaper and keep my gown on and we're off. I was hoping to get my favorite colorful beach towel for this long awaited event, but I think I had the same 3 foot off-white towel the guy across the hall that fell over trying to escape had yesterday. So, no biggie, I'll just take an extra long shower and forget about it, and worse comes to worse, I'll just air dry on the way back. Those gowns are so thin I will be dry by the time I get back to my room.
Well my nurse takes me by wheelchair to the shower room. Oh shit, what the hell is this..? If I remember correctly this 'shower room' is directly across from my floors' front desk area. It was like we were going into the janitorial room. Everyone there had to know where I was going, which, whatever, I'm taking a shower, not a problem. But, she opens the door and we go into this room, which is about half the size of my hospital room. But this is the "shower" room. Now I'm in this
weird wheelchair, apparently met for showers, and then she strips my clothes (gown was all) and
grabs my hose, I mean the hose and starts watering me down. Gee thanks. This sucks. K, warm water is a plus.. Everything else is a negative. The water touching my now depleted, half sized normal body feels pretty good but when the water's not, I'm freezing and I start to shiver. I can't stop myself from shivering and the best I can do is try to crouch over to help warm myself. My 'favorite' nurse is moving the spray water here, moving that there, spraying side to side, down and up, and everywhere cleaning me up with whatever soap they use, while I'm just clutched over praying for it to be over. Finally she is finished with me and starts drying me off. I could care less about having 'my' towel or nothing at all at this point. She's still super nice and all professional and shit but now I'm more humiliated then before as she's finishing cleaning me up yet getting my same stanky gown back on.
We leave the room and I'm shaking like a tree leaf in December because I'm so cold. I could only wish that I never signed up for this day. Obviously being so close to the front desk everyone knew where I was and that I am unable to bath myself. I seriously felt worse this day than I did when nurses had to clean me after bathroom mistakes. So excited waiting for this and in turn it was
Thank you Bethezda and your nurses, you were (mainly) amazing. This was just not my best day :)