Thursday, October 16, 2014

Date night

So this is embarrassing..
But whatever,

I was all messed up and literally didn't know where I was, but I think I was at the U of M. I remember being in and out of consciousness and I recall people touching my wang. Yes my wang, or wanger, ha know, my penis. Anyway, throughout my life I generally have known when my man organ has been handled. I mean who's to argue, wake up from a slumber and you start thinking this could lead to hubbada hubbada boom! Yeah, not so much here. I'm fighting death with a lung problem, what the hell does this have to do with my pecker?
     I was in my hospital bed and it felt like their was a sheet hanging across my chest so I couldn't see what was going on. Uh, nice try. I don't really know wtf is going on down yonder, but something surely IS going on. I start fighting the best I can and I'm struggling to stop what they are doing. Someone eventually tells me that they are doing this for my own protection, and I'm thinking, doing what.. Protection from what!? At some point Sarah is talking to me and tells me I need to relax and that I need to wear this condom catheter. Um.. Excuse me, wtf is that! Never heard of it. Ok, now I'm really pissed (no pun). Get this shit off my dick! I mustered up enough strength and ripped it right off. Probably hurt like all hell but I didn't care. This isn't the same feeling like I'm 16, cranking some Boyz II Men, thinking I'm going to get lucky, condom wearing time. Plus, I'm married and don't need one now especially since I'm half dead in this hospital bed. So I start getting more pissed (still no pun) thinking she doesn't trust me and wants me to wear one cause they need to test me or rape or something. Thought she made a comment like, you have to wear this or else. Hmmm. B.S. Not happening. Get it off. Well I think this is where I got some 'sleepy time' medicine and had arm restraints put on. Yeah, I kept them, they are in my underwear drawer. Well I can only assume they managed to successfully wrap up my life-long friend. Well either way, this lead to some pretty screwed up dreams, let me tell ya. For instance I dreamed where I peed things like, you know, corn and other veggie parts that looked like soup ingredients. Another dream where my brother needed to pee in a cup in order to keep his job, which his job was him being my personal janitor.
    Well needless to say, this was traumatic after getting out of the hospital. Didn't seem to bother me much at first when I peed, maybe because I couldn't stand, but once I hit that milestone of being able to stand and pee, it gave me flashbacks of vegetables. No good. There was some time that went by where I thought Mr. Willie was wrongfully wrecked. Standing over the toilet and waiting for that mellow yellow stream hoping it doesn't hurt or mess up my head is a shitty feeling. Once I gained some strength in my legs it was time to reunite with my unpregnated wife. No details here, but I've done better :/
Well it took some time but my flow(s) began getting better and I could eat soup again.

I've since researched condom catheter's and, well I still think they suck.


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