Sunday, October 12, 2014

Hold the Mustard

     Before I get too much further on my stories here with my blog I should probably take you back to my past a little more.  Plenty of my posts I either sound like or actually really was all messed up on medicine (drugs) while I was in the hospital. In my past, especially in most of my teen years I was more a goodie-goodie than anything else. Even before that I rememer a friend of mine write in my yearbook "Do something," which was true and a statement that meant something. I was shy and played by the rules. Not to say I became this big rebel or anything growing up or as an adult but I did 'blossom' quite a bit and I did enjoy the fun that it brought. I started drinking the end of my Senior year in high school and, well did some stupid shit but it was fun and more importantly to me at the time was new and rather exciting.
      Later on in my mid 20's I smoked the marryjewanna a few times. I never did it sober. So basically all it did to me was to make me fall asleep, ok it made me pass the hell out. I have never been a tobacco smoker so I really don't know if I ever 'did it right' because both cigs and weed would make me cough and felt terrible lol! Can't say I could tell you I remember the last time I did it, probably a dozen years ago, but it wasn't my thing. I like(d) me my booze, beer or booze instead. This could be not only a post in the future but I could write an adults only book on it!
      Basically the only reason I'm telling you this now is because while I was hallucinating, or tripping, or just plain whacked off my rocker in the hospital, I never had done any drugs before. The drugs I was on, while helped save my life, messed me up pretty well.

Now that we got that out there....
I should probably follow this up with a fitting story....

     As some of you who have known me long enough knows that I used to work at Champ's in NR. Worked there from about 1997-2000. Way before they had their fire, way before they expanded, back when the bar was not much bigger than SAM's and Brent was just getting his drivers license :)
     Well I'm in one of my rooms in Bethezda and I cant sleep. Can't sleep, nothing interesting on TV, I have no idea what time it is, but I somehow 'realize' I'm working at Champ's. But not like old school Champ's that I worked at, I'm a dish cook upstairs, in like this back room kitchen area. And not just a dish cook in this hidden kitchen but a dish cook laying in a hospital bed who can't walk or barely move. Nice. Well anyway, I decide that it's a good time to cook for myself. Yep. Not sure if the bar was open for business when I started to get hungry but I decided I needed hot dogs. I was hungry for hot dogs. Not sure how or why, but I was going to make some regardless. So I get out the frying pan and get my hot dogs out of the freezer and get ready to cook 'em up. Well at some point here I realize I am a little fucked up. Great. Now what.. I'm in a hospital bed and can't move plus I don't have have any pots or pans to make hot dogs in even if I could walk. But I still do, apparently, have hot dogs! Lol. Ok so what do I do...?
     Ok I'm stuck in this damn bed, in Champ's secret upstairs kitchen, with hot dogs I can't cook or waste. So I use the most energy I could muster to sit up and grab chairs, tables, whatever I could find to move my way over to the microwave to heat up these hot dogs. At some point I realize that I either didn't ever get out of bed to do this or I couldn't get back into bed, but either way the nurse comes in and tells me to get back where I was and to stay lied down. So I'm all extra messed up now, thinking when the hell did Champ's get nurses!?! Lord.
     Well, now that this nurse-bar-employee-lady messed up my dinner as I am sure I over cooked the shit out of those wieners! And now it sure stunk up the joint. Now wtf am I supposed to do. My idea was to eat them.. genius! Feed my hunger and clean up the mess AND the smell! Brilliant! Ok so I try again like hell to get up out of my bed and get to the microwave. I finally get there and get my burnt meal and make my way back to my bed. I'm sweating like hell cause all of my moving around and I'm tired and not even hungry anymore but figure I better hide my evidence so I eat the hot dogs. Not sure how many I ate, but I ate them all. Ok now in case you aren't paying attention there is no way I was at Champ's, nor was I walking around my room (although I am sure I tried as I did several stupid times throughout my times there) or was there a microwave in my room let alone a freezer or any friggin' hot dogs. But, ('now' it gets embarrassing) I pooped myself. Yep, THAT did happen. So I call the nurse in as I can't help my own self and she comes in the room to this (as I thought) smelly hot-dogged, greasy sheeted, God knows what came out of me, on-the-clock at Champ's, room. I'm embarrassed but I figure to "man up" and tell her about the hot dogs. I cooked them, burnt them, spilled some, ate them all and pooped. She plays nice of course lol. Jeez, how I didn't end up in the looney floor thinking back is beyond me lol.
     Well I get cleaned up and go to sleep. In the morning when I get up I have a card, an apple and some candy waiting for me. Don't recall word for word but basically it said, don't worry about the food, or the messy microwave, keep up the great work, and see you soon, love; George and Linda. (Owners is Champ's) how nice! (Ugh) Then I see that my tv was not only in a better place for my viewing but it was a new tv altogether! Little later that morning one of my nurses came in and I asked him if he could grab me my card and goodies and he looks around for them and couldn't find anything. Wtf!? I was frustrated and asked another nurse later. Nothing. God dammit! I imagined the entire thing, grrrr. Took some time but then I realized no shit it didn't happen! Ugh :(
Oh well it's funny now! It did take multiple times after that for Sarah to tell me the tv never moved! Oops!
I told Brent about this at my benefit and I think he thought I was still stoned lol 😜


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