Tuesday, November 11, 2014

What if it wasn't me

Been thinking lately on how I would have felt to not be the one who had gotten sick. And not boo-hoo why me stuff cause shit happens. But I think it would be more difficult if it were not me and was a loved one. What if it were Sarah? I'm not sure if I would have known what to do.. Close the bar? Keep it open and try to fill shifts? Work as much as I could but visit every day and sleep there every night? I really don't know. What would it have been like if I had to see her day in and day out not knowing what the hell was going on or how long before she would wake up and recover. Or if she would at all. I'm sure I would try and do all of the above and try not to get frustrated with everything and the doctors as they would try and tell me stuff and I'd probably be clueless in whatever they'd be telling me. Sarah had a journal going and took notes from the doctor and nurses. What if I were the one pregnant? Ok not that. But still. She dealt with family members, started a FB page, benefits, etc. My wife is slightly stubborn but she never seemed to lose focus on anything, me, baby, the bar, finances, scheduling, everything. I would hope that I would do the right thing, the stuff that she would want me to do. I would hope that she would be proud of me in whichever route I decided best for our family while still being by her side. This isn't supposed to sound selfish, like I would only be thinking of myself here, but I was in a coma for like 6 weeks, what would I do...? I just would hope that it would come natural and she would be happy with what I did. She was more than amazing during my time and still since then. For instance, she said she knew why I wasn't feeling well for a week and decided to stop me from taking a specific medicine so she weened me off of it and it helped with almost everything. Now, my issues are related to different medicine and she has been the one talking with my multiple doctors about changing that as well because while she can't really tell my pain level, she can tell my mood and color and other things.
My son has been battling a cough recently and he went to the doc yesterday and he assures us that he did NOT have blasto or even pneumonia, what a relief, my god. Not that we really thought it was but it is in the back of my mind every time he coughs and every time anybody gets sick. I've been out now since May and while I am very lucky to be where I am, I couldn't have done it without Sarah. For many reasons. I know I should tell her in person more but sometimes this is easier.

Love you,
And thank you..


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