Friday, July 17, 2015

Nice day alone

My wife's mom and step-dad are having their 25 year wedding anniversary celebration tomorrow and Sarah went over there today to help start getting all the food ready. Pulled pork I guess was the focus of the day. Either way, didn't matter to me, I was home alone for about 12 hours today and it was awesome! It has probably been literally years since this has happened, at least for this long of a period of time. Sarah took Scarlett while Ryan is never here on Fridays so my day was all to myself. Don't get me wrong, I looked at least a dozen times for Scarlett as it was very strange not having her here, and I really didn't have much planned, but it was nice to be just me for awhile. Watched some PGA Golf, watched a movie, went for am hour bike ride, may have walked around naked, and tidied up the house. Nothing exciting, but that wasn't the point. My amazing wife thought this would be a good idea for me, and well duh, she was right. This doesn't really have anything to do with me not wanting to go back to New Richmond, it was just that there really wasn't anything for me to do. I am still trying to get used to the fact that I'm not working. At least not in the 9-5 sense of the word. I do work. I'm a house husband! I wouldn't have to go back in time to check old school papers when we are asked what we want to be when 'we grow up' as I know this wouldn't have been any of my answers. I don't mind it honestly, I have good times with both the kids and we all try and find new and fun things to do, but I'm pretty sure we all like to have some time by ourselves, just to collect our thoughts or whatever may be helpful. 
Now that the girls are back home, Scarlett asleep, it feels normal again. I missed them, but I also really, really enjoyed my day by myself. Happy to hear that they had a great time as well, Scarlett played with her cousin and all the girls in the family worked on food and whatever else they ended up doing. Earlier in the week I planned on sleeping most of the day while they are gone as I don't sleep well at night and am up early with the kid(s) every morning, but I just couldn't bring myself to attempting to take a nap. Hopefully I sleep well tonight, but I don't really care all that much beciase it was a nice day regardless. It's the simple things in life I'm still learning about that truly make the differences. 


Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Hi. Again...

Been away from my blog for about two months now. Been busy! Whether it's moving, unpacking, enjoying being outside more, adjusting, dealing with new things and flat out trying to settle into many things such as the feeling of having my own [family] life for the very first time. I'm not sure how often I will be writing posts in my blog, but I am surely planning on getting back into writing some more again. I don't have a lot of plans as far as what I'm going to write about or not, but I have lots on my mind! This is part of the reason I'm most likely not going to copy and paste any more posts to Facebook anymore after this so you all would have to check in on your own at your leisure.


Tuesday, May 12, 2015

My 2nd life... One year anniversary

Saturday May 9th marked my one year anniversary of coming home. I didn't sleep the night before as I was soooo excited to get out of the hospital. Earlier in that week I cried tears of joy when one of my Doctors said he would approve of me leaving. That night was the 'Cheers for Cheek' benefit for me and my family at R&D's. It was the first time I was with Scarlett, Ryan and Sarah at the same time. The night was pretty fuzzy overall but I remember quite a bit. Like my long time friend Tim Deyoung being overwhelmed with emotions seeing me alive. Like the large group picture from all the guys who donated the Lombardi Super Bowl trophy to be raffled off. Cory Mitchell winning the drawing for the trophy and then donating it me. Aaron Kizer pushing me around in my wheelchair so I could look at all the donations. Ryan being so excited and getting involved in the auction. Scared to use the bathroom because I wasn't sure if I could do it alone. Glenn Owen and Kyle Hinrichs physically lifting me into our jeep to go home. So many wonderful people. So many who came just to say hello, to tell me that I didn't know them but they followed my progress and had to come meet me. I really wanted a beer but I figured it would either look bad, or I'd throw up, or both. The place was packed and I was overwhelmed.  It was a gift to be home and to be alive.

This is what I remember and many of you saw and were a part of.

Maybe all the details are not correct, but I was obviously not myself. The next several weeks I don't have much memory of. I believe it was June when I decided I needed to come out of the house for something other than rehab or appointments and I saw our bar for the first time. Sarah brought me there before it opened one day and it was very emotional. Then we figured we better have some  friends over and allow them to see me doing a little better. Chris Hays told me they were expecting another child that day. I have a picture of me and Sarah and the two kids on our deck, and I looked horrible! My arms were so skinny and it was about 60 pounds ago. But I could stand and balance myself using my hands on Ryan's head. I think he enjoyed it (I still use this method sometimes:)
Soon we had a wheelchair accessible stairway put in at our home by Eric Becker and his crew.

Back at Bethesda not all the medical staff believed I was ready to come home. Only a couple days before I left, they wanted me to stay 4 more weeks, which would have gone into June. My therapists didn't approve of my leaving either and wouldn't sign me off as OK. But they couldn't just keep me, I needed to come home. For my own sanity (which was screwed up anyways) and for my family. I needed to be home for them as well. Of course the medical staff and therapists were right, I was in no shape to come home. I couldn't shower or bathe myself, get on the toilet myself, get in and out of bed myself, keep up on my medications myself, and feed and clean my feeding tube, or really get any food for myself at all. For the first week or more I was in nearly total care of Sarah. Didn't mean I wasn't upset with some of the medical staff. Part of me felt like telling them to shut up, I knew what I was doing and I'll be fine. The other part of me just felt like they wanted to keep me longer so they could charge me more and treat me like crap. I was angry and frustrated and sad. I really didn't understand everything that I personally went though, partly becuase I had no recollection of so many things, but also becuase I couldn't see the near or distant future of what and how things would unfold. Maybe I was selfish, but it was and still is hard to say. I know they treated me well but it didn't matter at the time. Sarah was so unbelievably strong and she never showed anything but joy and encouragement. Even when I got grumpy. Which happened often. It is difficult to accept when your wife tells you the truth about something and you know it to be true, but your brain won't accept it. I had to force myself to lie to the doctors. Becuase if I told the truth, I would only be crazy, literally. Talk about a mind screw. ["lie to myself by telling the doctors what I think I knew what they wanted to hear, so I wouldn't sound crazy, although I think I am crazy because the shit I'm 'seeing and believing' is wackier than a crazy person would act, so keep up the act of pretending I'm ok while I know I'm not so I can go home"] check!
Fortunately enough, I went into the hospital at genius level intelligence and was at top physical form. Basically I was Iron Man and Captian America at the same time. Lol. Thankfully I never told my doctors that or they'd have gotten the restraints back out!

Sarah had month old Scarlett. But we soon installed bathroom braces and chairs to help me in and
out and I remember the first time I stood up to pee, it was great. But nights I still had to go so often I
used my plastic urinal for about a week until Sarah threw it away lol. I needed that. I was pissed (ha) at first, but I could get to the bathroom on my own and needed to start doing so. She knew me better than I knew myself. Rehab at Westfields was slow and painful but each week I improved. I didn't notice much change but everyone else did. My strength was coming back. Later in the summer I went and did some testing to see how my brain was functioning. I failed my cognitive tests as I couldn't figure out some of the memory questions and tasks they asked of me. This was super frustrating becuase I felt like this was something a 10 year old could figure out, and I wasn't able to do some things correctly and this is why I failed. I would like to take this, or a similiar one over, to see where I'm at, but it hasn't been necessary yet. Been one hell of a year. Wow. Neuropathy sucks. Blastomycosis sucks. Life is great, and so is my family.


P.S. It's been over 14 months since we have worked, (been self-employeed) It has been a struggle and will continue to be so for awhile, but we made it. Sarah was able to get her (2nd) degree and starts
her (new) job and we will be getting a steady pay check for the first time since 2012, which was right around when we got married. Three year anniversary will have special meanings this year.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Potassium, Legs

Had my Potassium levels checked yesterday at Westfields. Shows I'm on the lower end of the safe zone but still safe. I stopped taking my Potassium pills when my prescription ran out about a week ago and I've been getting really sore legs and feet lately. Feet pain isn't new, but it has changed. Leg pain has been new. Didn't see the probable connection there. Since the weather has been nice, I have been going on nearly daily walks, depending on the weather. Sometimes I walk to Ryan's school and pick him up, or else I just walk on days when he's not with us. Either way I walk with Scarlett in her stroller. She enjoys the walk as well. My feet and legs are sore but I really need the exercise and to keep building my strength back. Sarah thought this 'new' pain was probably from stopping my Potassium pills. I wasn't sure, thinking you know your own body better.. Well I've been eating two bananas a day since Sunday and the pain has lessened some. Mornings are still the worst for my legs, while nights are typically the worst on my feet. I think with all my walking I'm not stretching enough, which turns out to basically be the story of my entire life, as I have never been very flexible haha. Sarah was talking with her co-workers at her practicum site and about how my body isn't used to not taking the Potassium pills and that while the bananas help, I'm not used to the change yet. I guess I'm finishing up another withdrawal stage. I'm such an addict! We have an elyptical in our home but thinking of getting rid of that and looking for an excersie bike. Would like to get my heartbeat going up a little higher instead of just getting muscle back in my legs. Maybe I'm wrong here, but it's just how I feel. I can only walk so fast, as for one it hurts, but just as complicated, I'm not walking normal. Last summer we got one of those 3-wheel pedal bikes with the big basket in back. Was strange being able to bike/pedal almost like I was used to, eventhough I couldn't walk more than a few feet by myself. My legs while pedaling felt great. We got that bike though, becuase I didn't have to balance it with my feet, it would balance itself. If and when I put my feet in the ground it hurt like hell so I figured I'd end up falling off my regular bike and messing myself up badly. My feet, especially my toes are still very sensitive and always numb. My drop foot hasn't healed completely yet either, so the lift of my ankles is rather difficult so I take shorter steps with a gimpy limp. I can't wear sandals, slippers or flip flops on stairs becuase my feet won't lift enough at an angle/arch to allow them to stay on my feet. Oh well. At least the massive sisitivity is slowly subsiding, as I don't cry putting socks on anymore and don't have to try and let the water from the shower not hit my feet. It is amazing what just a little bit of padding will do for my walking ability now. Can be on a carpet or wearing socks or shoes and I feel like I'm walking close to normal again, but when I hit hard floors with out any padding on my feet or in the shower I am quickly and painfully reminded how difficult it still is. The ball of my feet/toes swell a lot still so I'm still in a shoe 1/2 sized bigger than I used to be. It's been great though, becuase I've been able to play outside with the kids, chasing our little now walking girl around everywhere, but just as great being able to play catch or just fool around with Ryan again. I'm getting a little sun on these beautiful spring days and enjoy our walks. Would like to be able to work up enough to be able to get a good sweat going instead of just walking until I'm tired. It's almost bikini season and all that weight that I lost from getting sick and got me creepy weak and skinny is back haha. Unfortunately I'm not as active as I was when I was working all the time, plus I'm way older now! Haven't been able to bust the bikes out yet, but hopefully this weekend (although it looks like rain and it's Mothers Day:)

Been trying to get back to writing on my blog more, but it's been really busy at our house and in our lives lately. Much been going on that I will get into later. I was giving myself a 75% chance to win the lottery in April, but they must have the wrong address. It would come in handy right now. Oh well. For now, Sarah graduates this month tho so she can finally start doing more stuff for me that I deserve lol. Love you!

I'm not sure if I've posted all of my blogs especially lately. Check them all out anytime just at

Thanks all !


Thursday, April 30, 2015

N.R. Today

The past several weeks when it hasn't rained I've taken Scarlett on walks. Sometimes we go to the school and 'pick' Ryan up and enjoy our way home. It's nice to get out of the house and get a little needed exercise and sun. For real on the sun becuase my potassium levels are still low from being sick. Scarlett is getting a little tan going on and I try and not scare the neighbors going shirtless. JK

But today, for whatever reason, I witnessed a lot of things that made me shake my head.
Now I don't know protocol, maybe they are supposed to keep their vehicles running, but their was a police car running with nobody inside for the two blocks that I walked by. It was beautiful today so I'm not sure if the A/C or heat was running, but that seems like rather extreme and a waste of gas.
I don't know about delivery drivers parking rules either, but I saw a truck park on Main Street where it was clearly for no parking. There were three open spots right in front of where he parked.
Later sitting out on my deck with Scarlett I watched four kids about 12/13 years old go by, 3 of them were on bikes and the 4th was walking. At least one said to two younger boys 'scooters are for pussies.' Makes me sad and angry at the same time. Wish I knew any of them. 4 older kids make fun of two younger ones while they are all outside having fun.

Puts a damn frown on my face after a a great walk!

But, sounds like another nice day tomorrow and hoping for a better experience!

PS - People are really nice at crosswalks when you are pushing a stroller :)

Sunday, April 19, 2015

What if Hulk could fly, and had a lightsaber. Me like.

Attention geek alert status!!
I'm not sure I've ever been more excited about three movies than I am currently.
The 2nd Avengers.
The new Star Wars.
And Batman vs Superman.

     Not much else can top these movies as far as how much they have shaped more than just my movie going experience throughout my years, but si-fi fantasy and my all time hero's as well. I mean I'm really big into sports, many kids, and I have my favorites, but these three films have basically it all for me. Not to take anything away from other movies I love such as Dumb and Dumber, Happy Gilmore, The Matrix trilogy, Braveheart, Gladiator and many, many - many others, but overall I like the idiot proof, good vs evil, hero movie as I'll always be a kid at heart about this and can relate with my brother and my son indifferent yet covers similar ways. I turn 40 this summer and feel I can relate to several movies of each decade of my life. Yes I would have been too young to remember the movies of the 70's other than on TV, Spectrovision, or Beta and VHS, how can I not remember some great boy-type classics like Rocky, Star Wars, and Superman. The 80' had more of each of these, plus newbies like Indiana Jones, Goonies, Top Gun and Terminator as well as cartoons like Transformers, He-man, and tons of superheroes. The 90's and since we probably can all relate as they started getting into more computer graphics and such but still have tons of kick ass entertainment. One more thing, I know there are comic books that have been around a lot longer than I have, and many of them base what movies are going to be about. While I love the comics and have read some, I'm not a comic book (magazine) lover, critic, snob, or expert. Theses are my thoughts and take on what I know from growing up, watching, reading, believing, or expecting from everthing I've enjoyed relating to this post. Ok :)
     I'll start with the new Avengers. First off, the bad guy (Ultron) is voiced by James Spader, who happens to be the main character to one of the few shows I actually watch on television: The Blacklist. He's been around quite awhile as an actor and it still seems strange having him play a basically bald guy, and a terrorist, but I think he's plays the role great. This new movie is adding a couple new characters who I'm not sure if they mutants or not, but I think they must be related some how to the X-men characters which happens to be another comic series that I really enjoy. These movies have what I've liked since I was a boy, lots of action and sweet fighting and battles, some humor, and basically no brain entertainment. I don't need to get a headache thinking about thinking about too much for 2 1/2 hours and can just enjoy the show. I'm planning on renting a few of the Marvel movies that relate to this because, sadly I hadn't seen every one. Plus it has Samuel Jackson and he's terrific. I believe his first movie role was in Eddie Murphy's "Coming to America," which is a hilarious movie.
     Batman vs Superman. OK, this one is over a year away from coming out I guess, but I see some stuff on it here and there when I troll around and geek out to topics, conversations, and pictures about this movie. This is the 2nd movie with this Henry Cavill actor guy who plays Superman. I actually rather enjoyed the first one although I don't think it got the best reviews. (And to be fair I actually like the previuos Superman maybe ten years ago where Spacy plays Lex..) Then Batman is going to be played by Ben Affleck of all people. He's an interesting actor, and after the success of the Christian Bale trilogy before him, I think he's up to some definite scrutiny, but hey, it's Batman and he's already better than Kilmer and Clooney. Has to be. Plus the early picutres look great. Now about the movie and the plot: Well I have no idea the plot, I'm not sure why they will appear to be fighting, or how.  It must have something to do with Kryptonite or else this wouldn't be a fight. How could it be, I don't care how smart, skilled, rich, and batmanish Bruce Wayne is. I have a short story in process about my take on the movie. Basically, Supes flies into the Batcave at nearly light speed, lands behind Bats walking to his Batmobile, taps him on the shoulder and as he turns around he cracks his neck, game over, Batman dead. I know, (becuase like I said I've trolled) this would piss many Batmananiacs off becuase of the love of Batman or hate of Superman, but come on, he's freakin Superman, i.e. Rotated the earth backwards fast enough to get homely Lois back to life. Bats has cool shit and is way more of a human bad ass, but how can he out fight the man of steel. Either way, I'll be attending this flick and enjoying a an extra large box of popped corn. Don't care who wins, and probably don't care why. I have my suspicions and own ideas of how this will play out.
     Star Wars... really? Wow how outstandingly awesome is this! The movie could suck ass and I'd still love it and probably go back and see it the next day. No real idea of what this one (first of the next three) is really about, but I know enough about it to get super, ΓΌber-nerdish excited for, I was 2 years old when the original movie came out, and by the time the 2nd one, 'Empire' did, I had probably watched the first one 50 times and I think I'm still mind-screwed about who Darth Vader was. Now in this one, we already know Luke is a bad ass Jedi mo-fo, and it's got the greatest space smuggler in the history of movies and the universe, in Han Solo. Not to mention the Millenium Falcon. I know my wife will read this and think I fell off my rocker, but that makes it all the more fun, and I just simply can't wait for this movie. There is no way my boy and I will not have a flashlight light saber battle. I'm going to wake Sarah up some morning breathing through an oscillated fan saying something randomly stupid and hilarious. It may result in a quick nut kick, and her slightly terrified of wtf I'm doing, but it totally will be worth it.
   P.S. If Transformers somehow sneaks in here in the next year as well I will probably need medical attention.

Monday, April 6, 2015

More than just the Badgers to me...

I don't consider myself all that superstitious but over the last couple weeks watching these young men from Madison play an inspired game I found myself following my own game day rituals. Not so much wearing similar clothes for each game or sitting in my same chair (although I tried),  but more for remembering last years run to the Final Four. Or... Not remembering it. See, last year I got sick before St. Patty's Day, went into a coma and missed the Big Ten tournament, missed selection Sunday, and missed every game they played in the tournament. I never knew, nor have ever looked since to see how they fared in the Big Ten tournament, seeds they were or how each game went. All I know is they lost in the Final Four to Kentucky. After I got out of the hospital a couple of friends mentioned they recorded the games for me because they knew how much I love my Badgers. It truly meant a lot. But last summer I didn't really know much that was going on, heck I even had to ask my source of normally-useless-knowledge, Eric Meyer about who won the Masters, who was in the Final Four, who won it, who the Packers drafted and if in fact the Brewers not only won ten games in a row, but we're in first place. His response was, of course, well the Gophers won the N.I.T.
     But, back to Badger basketball. I didn't know if I was actually ready to re-live that time, even if it was just a game and I actually turned down invites from these friends to re-watch the game. Each game I felt more and more the sense of not letting my team down this year. Dumb and senseless I know, but I kept holding off on this story in hopes of the season continuing. And they kept wining, and winning. Then the past couple weeks it really started to set in how amazing two things were; both of how the Badgers were playing - including how they took down and revenged their loss to 'unbeatable' Kentucky - but more amazingly how these friends of mine remembered last year for me. Thank you Pete Rohow for the FB message after Saturday's win and all those other friends involved. I showed Sarah the message and I teared up. She didn't know what to say either, other than taking words that I don't use out of my mouth like, 'that was so sweet.'  Wasn't even sure exactly why I did, but it really meant a lot to me, and for I guess to how far I've personally come. Thank you to Scott Dreier and Jeremy Staple for giving me continued all-in-fun hard times that if the Badgers started playing poorly that maybe I should take one for the team and 'take a long nap.' Hey, it's ok now :)    
    Sarah isn't much of a basketball fan to say the least but she was really happy for the Badgers, but more so for me becuase of how much I was enjoying watching these grown kids play. I did our laundry on Friday and set out my favorite Badger shirt for Saturday's game, and then she came downstairs wearing it. I looked at her and said, you know if they win tonight you have to wear that shirt again on Monday. She laughed and said ok. I said, I'm serious and it can't be washed!
     I tried staying away from commenting much anywhere about this years tournament as I was just happily, and thankfully enjoying the ride as a fan. I honestly don't really feel like I missed out on last year, it was a great ride for everyone else, I just had a different path at that time. I mean I love sports, but my family and my health was and of course is more important.
For as much as I wanted the Badgers to win, and not just because I hate Duke, and it would have been great for the University and the Big Ten, but becuase I felt like I personally made it through something special, although unrelated, this winter/spring along with them. I'm very proud of their season, their team, the great fans, and their coach. I wish they would have won tonight, but this post would have been the same (since I started it after the UNC game:)
As I try and fall asleep tonight, I will have many tears in both eyes, some from the sadness of losing the game, some just from being proud of [my] team, and the others from the happiness of my life. Congratulations Wisconsin. Packers and Badgers may have temporarily broke my heart, but never my spirit. They have made me, for one, proud.


Thanks you for those unnamed who've supported me, and my sport addiction! πŸ‘πŸ‘
P.S. I better not get sick this fall,
Packer season 😎

Oh, double P.S. The FB post I'm referring to right after the Kentucky win simply said, "Cheek Moore
this is for you!"